i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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