I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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