ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize