My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I died a long time ago.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
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Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Im part way to drunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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