He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize