Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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