mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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