Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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