if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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