call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
be right there i have to get my cape
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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