one two three fourrrrnication!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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