we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize