put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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