So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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pray to the hookup gods
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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