I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize