I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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