dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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