dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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