So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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