im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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