Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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