you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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