Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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