you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize