But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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