dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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