Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dear god my vagina.
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