Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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