Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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