My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize