Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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