The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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