Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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