So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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