dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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