I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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