When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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