The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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