Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize