Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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