Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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