i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are not precious.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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