So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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