This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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