don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize