I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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