I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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