you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize