if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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