careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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